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For the lack of better things to do.

It's a friday night during senior year, and what am I doing?
Nothing.
This is going to be a bunch of random, stream of consiousness, for lack of better things to do.

First of all, I have noticed how little I talk to one of my best friends recently. This is pretty depressing since we tend to have some epic convos. I'm on this youtube channel called TheVlogisaLie. If anyone is reading this you should check it out :]
www.youtube.com/thevlogisalie

Vlogging is not really my favorite thing to do, so I tend to just do random, stupid things to amuse people, because I like making people laugh :D
Example A:
www.youtube.com/watch :D

I don't really know what to write about so I'm gonna leave it at that.
Later<3

Growing up and all that jazz.

Three months. Three short months until high school ends and life really begins. I remember getting lectured right before graduation from middle school about how different and scary high school was going to be. Walking into school freshmen year was probably one of the scariest days of my life. Throughout freshmen year some of my best friends from middle school started disappearing, and were replaced by people I had just met. Studying, which was an unknown thing to me in middle school suddenly became vital in succeeding in class. Drama went from petty issues, to life changing ones. I guess I’ve finally come to that point in life where I realize how fast I’m growing up.

Have you ever heard a song from so long ago that is associated with so many memories that it made you cry? And with these memories came a longing to go back to a time when everything seemed so much simpler and carefree? I think those are the best songs, the ones that bring back your childhood and all of the “firsts’ that you experienced. Back to a time when the biggest mistake you could make was whether or not you drank regular or chocolate milk [although chocolate was totally the best]. It may be hard to accept, but you can’t change the past and all the mistakes you’ve made. Doing so would change who you’ve become, and I know that right now, even though life has handed me so much, I would not change any of what has happened. Those events in my life, regardless of how terrible some have been, are what made me strong.

Thinking back to some of these memories I’ve finally realized why I am the way I am. Being mean comes probably far too easy to me than it does to other people, and that is probably the one thing about myself that I sincerely, yet secretly hate. For the past week I’ve been thinking about how much this part of me affects those around me, and you know what? I’m through being intentionally mean. I want to live up to my “helpful” status and actually do some good. I’m through with swearing like it’s in style, and being mean for no reason. Will I remain sarcastic? Probably, but I can do so in a way that doesn’t hurt people. Will I remain on this “be nice” kick for good? Who knows, but life is unpredictable right? I guess in order to avoid a cliché I’m going to end this with a quote.

 

 

"It's something unpredictable but in the end its right, I hope you had the time of your life."

 

A letter to my 8 year old self.

Dear 8 year old me,

You’ve had a pretty easy life until now. Your family loves you, you like school, and you have awesome friends. But according to your mom, the town you live in isn’t very safe, so you’re going to move an hour away to a “safer” town. You’re going to be really sad, and so are all of your friends. But please don’t tell them that you’ll stay in touch and come back on the weekend. That will just give you false hope since you won’t talk to most of them again, but don’t be sad. The new town you’re moving to has lots of great people and you’ll even meet a bunch of new friends the first day of school.

You’re going to go through school with absolutely no problems, and you’ll have the greatest friends ever. Unfortunately, most of the people you’re best friends with in middle school are going to go off and join the “popular” group in high school. But there will be the select few that you stay awesome friends with through all of high school, even though your 8th grade teachers will try and scare you by saying you won’t have any of the same friends by the time you graduate.

Freshmen year will suck. Oh and when you meet this new guy that you think is like the most awesome person ever, please for the love of god do NOT be friends with him. You’ll go through hell because of it later on if you stay friends.

Sophomore year will be the worst year of you life. You’re best friend, basically dad, and favorite family member, grandpa, will pass away. I know he always goes in and out of the hospital, and is usually fine, but please do me a favor and don’t make excuses to go home while visiting in the hospital. You’re going to go through a lot of sadness with him for the next few months, and these will be your last holidays with him. But even through all of this, you’re still going to be his all-time favorite person, and the reason he wakes up in the morning. Christmas 2007 will be the most cherished in your life because he’s home and it will be the last one you have together. In the middle of March, he’ll go into the hospital again, only, you won’t shed a tear. You figure, “Oh, this again. He’ll be home within the next week or two”, only to find out that the day after his birthday, he’s in a diabetic coma and they can’t do anything for him, so he’s going into Hospice. Please don’t be furious with your uncle for making this decision. You’ll see how much suffering your grandpa has been through within the next few years. Your grandpa hangs on longer than expected, and one night while you’re sitting next to his bed, he opens his eyes for one of the first times in a few days. You’ll tell him everything you’ve ever wanted him to know. The next day will be surreal, and you’ll feel out of place until you get home from school to find out that he’s gone. Don’t lock yourself in your room, regardless of how much you want to be alone. It won’t make you feel any better. And although you feel empty inside, I can assure you that you will smile again and that you'll find yourself again and be happy just knowing he’s watching over you.

You’ll find your inner nerd in you junior year, and also meet the greatest teacher you’ve ever had. But please actually try in Pre-Calc. It will seriously help you later when you have to take Calculus for what you finally, after ALOT of deliberation, decide to major in. You’ll also meet a group of awesome people online, [don’t tell mom, kay?], a few will completely change your life, and three will become three of your best friends.

Senior year will be lame. You’ll spend the first half of it planning on going to Canada, and then you’ll just decide to stay local the second half. The homecoming will be amazing though. You'll decide to major in Biology even though you loathed it all of 1st semester. You’ll finally see how fake most of the school is, and you’ll even stop caring about most things. You’ll see how sarcastic and horrible you’ve become, and you won’t even care, and neither will anyone else [Some will even love you because you’re like that. Just try not to be TOO horrible, kay?]. You’ll have a few completely AMAZING friends, and you’ll even meet a bunch of older friends that you have a great time with, just don’t ignore your other friends.

Essentially just know that you will have a few GIANT downs in your life, but by the end of senior year, you’ll love your life, you’ll have absolutely amazing friends that have stuck with you all of high school [a few you haven't even fought with over dumb things!], and you’re family will still be there for you. You’ll still fight with your little pain in the butt sister, but by this time you'll have learned to love her and the fact that she's turning more and more into you everyday.

Best Wishes,
You’re 17 year old self.